Letter Three: Lessons in Sarcasm

Dear Lady Gaga, 
I wish you would understand that making your videos so absurd that people scratch their heads and go, "WTF?" does not make you an 'artiste', it just makes you look stupid. I used to love you and your music. Now I just shake my head and change the station or channel. That is all.
Love,
Lucy the Pessimist


Dear Verizon, 
When I have to return my phone because there is a manufacturer or software glitch, I would greatly appreciate it if you would give me a NEW PHONE! Otherwise, I end up with a refurbished piece of crap like this one, which has a touch screen that, get this: DOESN'T RESPOND TO MY TOUCH! I will be returning this one, too. That is all.
Sincerely,
Lucy the Pessimist


Dear Stalker, 
I'm not your baby girl and I don't like you. If you can't figure that out, that's your problem. That is all.
Sincerely,
The Pissed Off Pessimist


Dear Kate Gosselin, 
If you don't want your family photographed, don't have a television show that is about...YOUR FAMILY. Oh, and don't take them to major tourist attractions with camera crew in tow, as it just draws attention. That is all.
Sincerely,
Lucy the Pessimist